The Final Goodbye

Thuan.

When I heard the news, I turned white and nearly fell out of my chair.

I can’t believe you’re gone. We still had many stories to share together.

Do you remember one of the last conversations we had? It went like this:

Thuan. It was an awesome time as usual. I'm glad to hear things are going well in your life.

It was great seeing you again as well. Take care. Bye!

No. Don't say goodbye.

Why not?

You know I don't like goodbyes. Goodbye has too much of a permanent feel to it.

Is that right?

You know we'll see each other soon. And if not, it's because I'm always on the go. We'll just catch up on the phone. No worries, right?

Right. Take care. Bye!

Except this time, this was goodbye. It was not the end of a chapter, but the end of a book. The end of our elaborate plans. The end of our friendship. The end of a brilliant mind. The end.

Damnit Thuan. Why did you have to make me do something that I hate? This is an irrefrangible rule of etiquette. I'm still trying to process what this goodbye means.

We were supposed to experience more adventures together. Like the time you did a whirlwind tour of Yosemite. We drove four hours up to the park, and you showed us Yosemite in its full glory through a dozen handpicked sites. Slow down, we told you. But you were always two steps ahead, educating us about the park, and leading with that trademark classic exuberant smile of yours. At the end of the day, when we were all tired, you decided it was best to drive back, in typical maniacal fashion. I thought we were going to fall off the cliff. That was you, the effervescent crazy man, making this all happen in one day. You made life exciting even for the least of us. Your avidity was contagious.

I won't forget the time you let me borrow your fully loaded desktop. The shell was so big I thought it was from the 80’s. You said it was your fully loaded gaming rig. It must have cost you a fortune, but you let me use it for a full month, because my laptop was broken. When two weeks passed by, I insisted that you take it back. But no, you said; I only had it for two weeks, and that I should use it for two months. Maybe three months, or however long it took to get my laptop back in one piece.

I never told you that you were the one who gave me the crazy idea for my business. It was you who planted this seed in my head that would later on blossom to what is now my life, my baby. And you did this through your crazy antics. You always pushed the boundaries. Only you were crazy enough to take advantage of free shipping to order 30 t-shirts online, bring the entire mall to your home, return 29 of them, and then and call it normal. And this was back in 2007, before free shipping became the norm.

You left too early. We were supposed to share more experiences and battle wounds when we had gray hair and fully grown children. I can't count the number of times we'd burn the midnight oil talking about obscure topics. You were a sagacious scholar of current events and seemed to know the answers to them all.

You were a intemerate genius. Even after I moved to the East Coast, I'd call and ask for your opinion. Your ideas flew mellifluously from your lips, and often, I would use a couple of them. It wasn't just me that you spoke your mind with; you shared it with everyone. You were genuine, and really wanted to affect change in others. When you said something, you actually meant it and followed through with it. That was you, the generous seer – wise, intelligent, and full of exuberant thoughts.

Life’s a roller coaster, and sometimes, those lows get to even the best of us. I know that you had your inner demons and that you weren’t perfect. You’d whinge about certain things and sometimes, it seemed that those negative thoughts spoke more loudly to you. Deep down however, I knew you as a compassionate and caring person.

Many people showed up at your funeral. You touched all of our lives. Others shared countless stories that revealed your spontaneous, athletic, competitive, and crazy nature. We all cared about you deeply. I wish you knew that.

I’m going to finish crying now.

Rest in peace Thuan. I’ll miss you. This world was not ready for you. Goodbye my friend. Goodbye.